saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
