Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
