I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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