People in love make me want to vomit
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
