I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
