you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
