2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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