lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
