I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
