Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
