so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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