Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
