They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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