covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
