Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
