Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
