just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
