We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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