if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
