We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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