i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
