this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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