I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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