Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
