Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
