i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
