I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
