My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
