There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
