cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
