We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
