I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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