last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
