I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
