you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
