Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
