I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
