There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
