How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
