I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
