God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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