im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
