This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
