Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
