On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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