And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
