Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
