If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
