you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
