Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
