Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
too bad you live with your parents still
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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