ya dads aren't the best wingmen
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
