pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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