Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
