So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's get the cat blown out
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
