24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
