I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
