Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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