I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize