I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh god it's open bar.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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