think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
