Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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