Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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