rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
