I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
