i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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