watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
