we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
