You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize