New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
