Cold hands, warm shart.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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