You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
