I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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