Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think your dad took our porno
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
