your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize