Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
