You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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