I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize